Covid19 – Rock & A Hard Place

I have debated whether to post this or not. How I should word it and what it should say. 

I have always been open, vulnerable and above all honest with everyone and maybe this post will bite me in the proverbial but maybe it will help one stressed couple who are feeling emotionally drained. 

This week I have struggled. I have struggled as a bride to be and as a wedding planner. I have had an inner battle that has tormented me this week. Yes, I have posted to social media, I’ve kept up the appearance but my heart hasn’t been in it. 

Our wedding is at the end of July. It is in 18 weeks and 3 days. 130 days. 4.5 months. As a bride I am anxious. I am worried about what will happen to our wedding day. A day that I have been planning for 3 years. A date that I have been counting down on a monthly basis and getting increasingly excited for. Now, I feel as though I don’t want that day to come. I feel as though there is a black cloud of despair hanging over me. As a bride, I have wanted to cry, scream and throw a toddler tantrum. I have felt selfish for wanting my big day when there are people losing loved ones. I have felt like a brat for fleetingly not caring about people I do not know in the quest to have my day. And then I berate myself for feeling the way that I do. 

As a planner, I have told myself everything will be fine. Things are changing so rapidly and not to worry or panic but to simply monitor the situation and move forward on a day to day basis. I have worked out a plan of action, James and I have set a deadline by which we must make firm decisions. We have a Plan B and a Plan C. And who knows by the weekend we may even have a Plan D. 

Ultimately, the day is about getting to marry my best friend and my soulmate. The one who has bought a light into my life and made everything brighter and shinier. The wedding is all circumstantial fluff. Very nice fluff, but it is not mandatory. The choice of marriage vs. wedding. We had maintained – and still do – that as long as we can get married on the wedding date then we will go ahead, no matter how many people can be there. Yet, my heart aches for the dream wedding that we have planned. But to postpone means further delaying the date at which I become Mrs Roberts. The date at which I become a wife. One half of a whole. 

To all the couples who are feeling the rock and a hard place right now, the endless questions and worries and the constant wondering if you are doing the right thing. I feel you, I am you, and I am extending a virtual squeeze to all of you. My inbox and phone are always there for you. 

With my planner hat on, I say postpone, don’t cancel. But only if your wedding is within the next 4 weeks. If your wedding is further away, wait a little. Speak to all of your suppliers, find out all your options. It is a tough time for couples and businesses. As a wedding industry, we all want to work together to help you to have your dream day, however we can help make that happen. 

With my bride to be hat on, I say, have that cry. Scream that scream, let it all out. It is a temporary loss, but nonetheless it is a loss that hurts. Don’t let others make you feel bad for how you are feeling.

This too shall pass and on the other side of this storm there is a great rainbow to be had. 

xx 

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