We are Engaged! Now What?

It is a truly exciting and overwhelming feeling getting engaged. I remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was nearly 3 years ago.

The first thing you want to do is share it with everyone, of course! You are bursting to post that ring shot on your socials. You’re in love, you’re ready to make that lasting commitment to each other. Heck, you had pretty much planned your wedding long before you both started talking about getting married.

Herein, lies the potential issue…you have been planning your wedding for so long in your head. You know what you like and you know what you definitely do not like!

But, are you and your partner on the same page about what you want from a wedding? Have you both discussed what is important to the pair of you? When we got engaged I took charge (naturally, also I am an obsessive control freak, there is no way James was having any control) but we had slightly different ideas. I wanted to go off and get married abroad. The less people the better as far as I was concerned. Not quite eloping but I was on board with a small, intimate wedding. He, on the other hand wanted to get married here in the UK, and to invite as many of our friends and family. In his words “I finally found the one I want to spend my life with, I want everyone to witness it.”

James’ words stopped me dead in my tracks. It was the moment I realised, that beyond both of us wanting to spend the rest of our lives together, we hadn’t discussed what we actually saw as the important bits of a wedding.

Now don’t get me wrong, the most important bit of a wedding is that you and your soulmate are getting married and making a commitment to each other. Big wedding, small wedding, budget friendly or lavish, the single most important thing to remember is that, it is about making a commitment to your soulmate.

That’s not to say you don’t want to have the nice things that come with a wedding! Of course you do! Otherwise, you wouldn’t have spent so long on Pinterest, pinning the perfect ideas! I always see a string of posts on social media, “Help we’ve just gotten engaged what do I book first, where do I start?”

You start by grabbing a bottle of wine and sitting down together and making a list of what you both see as the important ‘necessities’. Once you have that figured out, decide on a realistic budget. What you can save towards the wedding, do you know if there will be financial input from your families? Once you know your budget, start by allocating it to the bits most important to you – make sure the church or registrar is top of that list otherwise there won’t be a wedding.

I often see people say ‘start with your guest numbers’, for me personally, I don’t like to give this advice. I firmly believe you can fit your guest numbers to your budget. Of course, if you are from big families, please be realistic in assigning your budget. More guests equals more people to feed, to seat and to water. Once you have important things and the budget decided, now you’re ready to plan your wedding. Now the real fun starts!

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